Book Giveaway:Two randomly chosen commenters will receive either Wanda's book of LOVE AND ABUSE ON 40 ACRES or DADDY NEVER CALLED ME PRINCESS. These books are either perfect for one's self or for a beloved friend or family member who may appreciate the encouragement. The winners will be announced here on Friday, October 11th, between 5-6 PM EST. For convenience, please leave your contact information within your comment. Thanks!
WILL HE EVER STOP HURTING ME? by Wanda Maxey
“Let my Mom go or I'll put a bullet right between your eyes.”
My son, Trevor, warned Lanny, my abusive husband of six months. Lanny released his grip on me. I stumbled close to my son. Headed toward safety.
“Get help, then I'll come back,” I sobbed over my shoulder. I walked away from a marriage that was supposed to be a widow's answer to lost love.
Lanny said he couldn't control his actions. He chose to respond the way he did. He knew exactly what he was doing. He tortured me to gain power and control. A person needs to take responsibility for his abusive behavior.
I remember the day he kept ranting and raving, screaming insults.
“I wish I'd never married you.” He said. “Why don't you go join your dead husband? You're nothing but a wh...”
I called the police on him.
As soon as the squad car pulled in the drive, he instantly turned into a gentleman and opened the door.
“Hello sir,” he said with a smile. “How can I help you?”
Thankfully the police saw through his deception and stood guard while I packed a bag. The officers escorted me out the drive.Lanny apologized after he'd hurt me, then he'd turn around and do the same thing again, and again. Sweet talk means nothing. Words must be backed up with actions—not only for the moment, to get what they want, but continuously.
He had charmed and showered me with adoration, before marriage. He said he loved me. I believed him. I'd heard others talk about men who “hooked” a woman by way of charm and words of love. No, I thought, not me.
“Can people change?” I asked my pastor.
“Yes,” he said, “God can change anyone, all the same, the person has to want to change. I've talked to your husband and he doesn't admit anything is wrong. He finds no reason to change.”
I remember the day my husband walked out to the kitchen, poured himself a glass of water, leaned cockily back against the sink and said, “I'm living the life around here. I don't do anything, I don't buy anything. I don't pay any bills, I can do whatever I want, whenever I want.” He sipped at the glass, “I've got it made.”
Of course he didn't want to change.
The first thing a person must do is realize they suffer from a problem. He never owned up to a problem. No matter what happened, it was never his fault.
Nothing is all bad. We also shared good times. I didn't think I'd be able to survive without him in my life. Leaving was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Despite that, coming out on the other side, now free of heartache, was worth the price. Peace reigns in my home. I'm free to invite friends and family over without worry of the repercussions that would come after they left. I'm no longer hurt by his addiction to pornography. I no longer deal with low self-esteem. God loves me, and He's the only one I need to please. My children and grandchildren are safe.
Can abusers change? The U.S. Justice Department on Domestic Violence reports that a woman is abused every 8 seconds. Real commitment to change can take years of therapy. How many years of your life are you willing to give up, waiting for him to straighten out his? Life is too short to not enjoy every day.
He may threaten, like my husband did, to kill himself if you leave. I left and he's still alive. If you are in an abusive situation, seek help.
You possess the power. The National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) is only a phone call away. You're not alone. Move past the fear and get on with your life.
Sure, it's scary to contemplate leaving. You fear what you'll face on your own. However, the problems you face at home with an abuser might be far worse.
There may be a slight possibility an abuser may change, then again, is it likely? Probably not!
Carolyn Rebecca Block, Ph.D., with the Illinois Criminal Justice Information Authority, said, “When a woman is being physically abused, both partners are at risk for homicide.”
Wanda's Ah-hahs To Tweet:
Meet Wanda S. Maxey, author who shares insights to domestic abuse and help. (Tweet This)
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I am a Christian, a Writer, and an Author who lives in Michigan.
My passion is trying to help others who have been through abuse; no one has to go through it alone.
I was widowed in 2005 after 32 years of marriage to a wonderful man. Two years later, being lonely and desperate, I found a new love on the Internet. After a whirlwind courtship we were married. I soon discovered I had married a sociopath. My books were written in the hopes of helping others learn about the signs to look for, so as to not be “Hooked,” by one of these predators.
“Love and Abuse On 40 Acres,” a true story of hope as the secluded dream retreat with one husband became a widow's isolated place of terror with the next.
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