An Excerpt from THE SEARCH FOR PEACE:
AN EXCERPT FROM... THE SEARCH FOR
PEACE: A WOMAN'S GUIDE TO SPIRITUAL WHOLENESS BY Wanda
Winters-Gutierrez
As we move toward A Place Called Peace, or Wholeness, the people in our lives will be
at a loss to figure us out. They will hardly recognize the ‘out of the box ‘
us. ‘What on earth has happened to them?’ is a common response to the new and
different way we are handling our life and them.
What happen? It is quiet simple…the
‘hope’ in our spirit began to manifest in our soul and we became intolerant of
our ‘present’ and decided to create our ‘future’. We got tired of living on the
edge of everything and decided to jump smack dab in the middle and claim our
best life. We got tired of ‘ lack’ and went after ‘more than enough’. Being
tired of almost… we left…we may not have arrived yet…but we did leave.
We stopped thinking ‘I can’t’ and
began to proclaim to the world, the universe, the angels in Heaven and all the
demons in hell that, ‘Yes, I can! And Yes, I will! Furthermore, whatever any of
you guys have to do to allow full access to the Plan of God or me…get it done!
Either get out of my way, or start bringing the resources to me, because I WILL
walk out my Assignment on this earth.’ And by the way, with these ‘positive
core beliefs’ in place and fully realized, nothing and nobody will be able to
stop you or even slow you down. You will be walking in The Dream,
Girlfriend…with a Soul Set Free.
Some days, you will be so full of
this revelation that you won’t even know yourself. Just who is that woman in
the mirror whose eyes reflect the deep tranquil pools of peace in her soul and
whose words radiate vision? Who is that full-of-confidence-creature who walks
into a room and her very presence demands respect? Although she can speak ever
so softly, her laughter is spontaneous and full of joy. Who is that? She has an
aura of Royalty and yet at the same time love motivates her to ‘be kind to all
people.’ Who on earth is that?
Answer:
That’s you and that’s me…. ‘ That’ is our Father’s Daughter (or
Son)… healed, whole and free…right here on this earth.
Now multiply ‘that’ woman by the
hundreds, and thousands, and you will see millions of Women walking out the
Call of God upon their lives. These women will bring healing and wholeness
where ever they turn. They will come from every walk of life and touch every
social and economic level of society. We are on our way girls and the world is
about to take notice.
As this transformation transpires,
some of the on lookers will not fully appreciate the changes they see in you.
There are a number of reasons, but all of them basically boil down to the fact
that since you ‘got out of your box’, ‘their box’ is not as comfortable as it
use to be. You’re not predictable any more. You seem just ‘too full of
yourself’ for their comfort. After all …up until now your life had been ‘all
about ‘them’.
Their wounded souls can’t count on
you to re-act like you use to. Once upon a time they could set the climate for
your day by just a word, but now no matter what ‘agenda’ their wounded souls
come up with, you just don’t buy into it.
As much grief as they try to give you
about the changes, they are also jealous. They wouldn't mind
having your freedom, but the price you paid seems just too strange. (Getting up
in the middle of the night to write words from Father in your
journal…paraphrasing the Bible and putting your name in it… strange indeed.)
Since their own box is still a
fortified stronghold, they sometimes hide in it and turn into ‘snipers’.
Snipers try to wound you just enough so you can be dragged back into the box
they helped you create. You, back in your box, makes it easier for them to stay
in their box. The thing we do if we are the least bit co-dependent is put our
box inside their box so we can keep house for them. Makes things real handy…
for them. Our best defense for the ‘snipers’ in our lives is no defense.
Nothing we can say will change anything for them. ‘They’ are the deciding
factor in their own lives, just as we were.
I remember as clearly as it were last
week, the day one of my past ‘personal snipers’ turned from ‘aggressive’ to
‘passive aggressive’ and tried to hook me up one more time with feeling sorry
for them. With tears they said, “Oh, I know I make your life miserable”. My
answer surprised even me, “No,” I said in a calm clear voice, “No, you don’t,
my days of misery are over”. And so they were.
I had better things to do than get
back into that co-dependent box of trying to make ‘them’ okay. God had a Plan
and I was determined to move my Hope of walking in that Plan into the Reality
of my everyday life. I had a mind to renew…I had a Journey to take…and fooling
around with ‘what-others-thought about me’ was, as they say, wasting daylight.
KEEPING IT REAL... MY STORY by Wanda Winters-Gutierrez
When Elaine kindly offered me the honor
of being a guest on Everyone’s Story I wanted to share a bit of my personal
journey in hope that might inspire others to make quality decisions and learn
to flow with freedom past boundaries and limitations into their own life of
endless possibilities.
I began writing a half a century ago as
a young teen because I needed to process my life into some semblance of order.
Yet, I was near 60 years old, 58 to be exact, before my first book was
published ... followed by an average of a book a year for the last nine years.
All of them are well accepted and selling internationally. Along the way I have
won awards, received fan mail, spoken to crowds and
autographed more books that I can count. Looking back it seems that every book
I write holds elements of how to move from a life of unmet needs, unhealed
hurts, and unresolved issues into who God created you to be. Strangely enough
even the two books co-written with my kitten Blessed Mickey Parker touches on...how to survive the worse
and come out into a good-good place.
I had a dream...I saw a woman in a
basement room. She was very well taken care of, in need of no material
possession, but seemed to be under house arrest. I saw her look wistfully
through her high window to a bit of sky where a bird sailed full of grace and
beauty. As she turned away from the window I could feel her painful loneliness
for something she could not define.
I continued to watch from a distance,
feeling sad for the woman, when suddenly I realized she was me. That's when I
heard a voice saying, "The door is locked from the inside."
"The door is locked from the
inside." So why didn't I walk out?
I was a dyed-in-the-wool people
pleaser. My training began early. First with my family, then teachers,
society, church, relationships, each sent messages, or outright told me, that
certain actions, thoughts, jobs, attitudes, opinions, use of time, and certain
clothes were unacceptable. In unmistakable terms I was given to know that
stepping outside the 'tank' of 'our' value system was a risky and dangerous
business.
I learned my lessons well. In trying to make other people happy I
continued to shrink my world until I lived in a self imposed captivity...
especially in my gift as a writer. Over the years I had jumped out of the tank
now and then to create beauty and touch lives, but I had been unable to stay
free and productive for any length of time. I was always second-guessing
myself.
The tape of my 'training' about my
writing ran like a river through my soul...."You only have an 8th grade
education you can't be a writer... You have a learning disability... Who would
want to read anything you wrote?...
all spoken by people I loved and who said they loved me. In essence my
mind had become a bus and I was letting others drive it.
Because of the endless negative
comments over the years about other areas of my life I learned to
feel I should stop all unacceptable behavior such as having my own taste in clothes...make-up...hairstyle
etc. My early years had laid the groundwork in my soul that created a magnet in
me that drew narcissistic controllers. It was all I had ever known and it
became a comfort zone from hell.
All I ever wanted was someone who would
validate who I am.. to see past my limitations into my heart. What I saw in
their eyes was none of this...the light I mistook for approval and validation
was the narcissistic/controlling glow of how I could make their life work
better, and how they can use me to further their agenda. One day, much like the
prodigal son, I came to myself and knew it was time to start living the life my
Heavenly Father planned for me.
In retrospect, I am not complaining. I
have traveled this path to soul healing long enough to know that, as an
adult I had helped create the mess I found myself in with
my freewill, and I would have to cooperate with God to get
me out of it by using the same freewill. Not an easy trip, but one I
documented in simple to follow steps in my first book The Search for Peace:A Woman's Guide to Spiritual Wholeness.
As I set out to learn I soon discovered
that there is no quick, painless fixes. But as usual even the decision to
learn caused a great light to appear on my path as books, articles, FB Blogs,
people and insights apparently' just happened' my way. A particular
article by Merrill Markoe opened my eyes about narcissist/controller
relationships: you walk a fine line...you need to 'SHINE" but "ONLY'
in a way that cast a favorable light on them. Do not under any circumstance
shine so bright that the attention is directed toward you and not them.
I was considered selfish and
self-centered if I made a decision that is different from theirs. Over the
years I have turned a huge amount of my money and life over to them just to
prove my love and keep the peace. I learned that narcissist are people who
cover up feelings of shame and worthlessness inflicted during their messed up
childhood by doing whatever it takes to maintain the false sense that they are
very special and therefore not bound by ordinary rules. This requires them to
surround themselves with people who will constantly pump them up by agreeing
with them about everything.
I had a serious
'wake-up-and-smell-the-coffee-moment' and realized that, I too, had..."spent
most of my life as an admiring audience, acting as a vent for their anger, as a
Fan Club President, or an incompetent maid for the narcissist around me. If I
was not mirroring them, or praising them I was proving I was a separate person
and thus threaten a narcissist fragile worldview. When I demonstrate that I
have ideas they tend to totally reject them and take it as a personal
affront."
As a Christian, the death of
expectations removed the fuel that had propelled me forward for years. Gone
forever was the dream that by treating them with kid gloves and loving them
unconditionally would transform them. I had to face the brutal fact I wrote
about in The Search for Peace: A Woman's Guide to Spiritual Wholeness... "I was not their Savior... Jesus was
and I needed to let go." All those years what I wanted to think
was 'compassion and long suffering' was codependency cleverly wrapped in a
cloak of piety.
BOTTOM LINE:
According to Ms. Markoe the ONLY
practical method for coping with a narcissist is ...
#1 Change your expectations.
#2 Maintain emotional distance.
#3 Stop trying to please un-pleasable
people.
With all these insights tucked into my
soul the journey continues and clarity comes. As I made changes low
and behold a prolific writer stepped forth and embraced who she was created to
be. Let me assure you it is the ONLY way to write...actually it is the ONLY way
to live.
I am now 67 and these days I am freshly
inspired to go beyond the boundaries of my weaknesses, to challenge the walls
of my limitations, and believe in the endless possibilities that God promised me
in... Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,
declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and
a hope.
I promise you... it is never too late.
Wanda's Ah-hahs To Tweet:
Everyone’s
Story: Wanda
Winters-Gutierrez, helping hearts and souls of the wounded (Tweet This)
Peace in a narcissistic-co-dependent relationship? See what author Wanda
Winters-Gutierrez says (Tweet This)
#Giveaway for you or a loved one: The
Search for Peace: A Woman's Guide to Spiritual Wholeness. (Tweet This)
Author's Bio:
Wanda Winters-Gutierrez specializes in creative non-fiction, inspiration, and memoirs. She is known as a writer with a unique ability to draw the reader into the emotion of the moment. Because of her insight and spiritual understanding she has been able to touch the hearts and souls of wounded people all over the world.
She leads workshops, seminars, retreats, teaching meditation, meditative journaling, artistic and other creative classes. Her various endeavors are all geared toward setting people free from the un-met needs, un-healed hurts and un-resolved issues of their past and take them beyond to healing.
Her first book The Search for Peace: A Women's Guide to Spiritual Wholeness is being used in women's prisons, halfway houses, and shelters for abused women as well as a study book in churches and other organizations.
You can connect with Wanda at:
Wanda's website
Amazon
A Note From Elaine:
In following professionals' advice, I've started an Author's Page on Facebook. I'd love for you to Like it at : https://www.facebook.com/AuthorElaineStock
Thanks ♥
