WILL HE EVER STOP HURTING ME? by Wanda Maxey
“Let my Mom go or I'll put a bullet
right between your eyes.”
My son, Trevor, warned Lanny, my
abusive husband of six months. Lanny released his grip on me. I stumbled close
to my son. Headed toward safety.
“Get help,
then I'll come back,” I sobbed
over my shoulder. I walked away from a marriage that was supposed to be a
widow's answer to lost love.
Lanny said he couldn't control his
actions. He chose to respond the way
he did. He knew exactly what he was doing. He tortured me to gain power and control. A person needs to
take responsibility for his abusive behavior.
I remember the day he kept ranting and
raving, screaming insults.
“I wish I'd never married you.” He
said. “Why don't you go join your dead husband? You're nothing but a wh...”
I called the police on him.
As soon as the squad car pulled in the
drive, he instantly turned into a gentleman and opened the door.
“Hello sir,” he said with a smile. “How
can I help you?”
Thankfully the police saw through his
deception and stood guard while I packed a bag. The officers escorted me out
the drive.
He had charmed and showered me with
adoration, before marriage. He said he loved me. I believed him. I'd heard
others talk about men who “hooked” a woman by way of charm and words of love. No, I thought, not me.
“Can people change?” I asked my pastor.
“Yes,” he said, “God can change anyone,
all the same, the person has to want to change. I've talked to your husband and
he doesn't admit anything is wrong. He finds no reason to change.”
I remember the day my husband walked
out to the kitchen, poured himself a glass of water, leaned cockily back
against the sink and said, “I'm living the life around here. I don't do
anything, I don't buy anything. I don't pay any bills, I can do whatever I
want, whenever I want.” He sipped at the glass, “I've got it made.”
Of course he didn't want to change.
The first thing a person must do is
realize they suffer from a problem. He never owned up to a problem. No matter
what happened, it was never his fault.
Nothing is all bad. We also shared good
times. I didn't think I'd be able to survive without him in my life. Leaving
was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Despite that, coming out on the
other side, now free of heartache, was worth the price. Peace reigns in my
home. I'm free to invite friends and family over without worry of the
repercussions that would come after they left. I'm no longer hurt by his
addiction to pornography. I no longer deal with low self-esteem. God loves me,
and He's the only one I need to please. My children and grandchildren are safe.
Can abusers change? The U.S. Justice
Department on Domestic Violence reports that a woman is abused every 8 seconds.
Real commitment to change can take years of therapy. How many years of your
life are you willing to give up, waiting for him to straighten out his? Life is
too short to not enjoy every day.
He may threaten, like my husband did,
to kill himself if you leave. I left and he's still alive. If you are in an abusive situation,
seek help.
You possess the power. The National
Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) is only a phone call away.
You're not alone. Move past the fear and get on with your life.
Sure, it's scary to contemplate
leaving. You fear what you'll face on your own. However, the problems you face
at home with an abuser might be far worse.
There may be a slight possibility an
abuser may change, then again, is it likely? Probably not!
Carolyn Rebecca Block, Ph.D., with the
Illinois Criminal Justice Information Authority, said, “When a woman is being
physically abused, both partners are at risk for homicide.”
Wanda's Ah-hahs To Tweet:
Meet Wanda S. Maxey, author who shares
insights to domestic abuse and help. (Tweet
This)
Wanda S. Maxey offers comforting words of
hope to domestic abuse victims. #BookGiveaway (Tweet This)
Wanda S. Maxey: No one has to go
through abuse alone! (Tweet This)
Author Bio:
I am a Christian, a Writer, and an
Author who lives in Michigan.
My passion is trying to help others who
have been through abuse; no one has to go through it alone.
I was widowed in 2005 after 32 years of
marriage to a wonderful man. Two years later, being lonely and desperate, I
found a new love on the Internet. After a whirlwind courtship we were married.
I soon discovered I had married a sociopath. My books were written in the hopes
of helping others learn about the signs to look for, so as to not be “Hooked,”
by one of these predators.
“Love
and Abuse On 40 Acres,” a true story of hope as the secluded dream retreat with one
husband became a widow's isolated place of terror with the next.
Connect with Wanda at:
Website
Facebook author page
Google+: Wanda Maxey
I am glad you healed from your abuse. I too grew up in an abusive home and found healing - it took almost 40 years before I realized that God was the way to healing. I tried so many self-destructive paths. My father sexually molested me, threatened to kill us. My mom knew about the abuse and kept notes - filled up two notebooks. She said it was in case she died so I could get out of the house, but I'm not so sure now. I've learned from my sister-in-law that she let the abuse go on to keep my father coming home from his other love affairs. I still struggle with some words spoken over me as a child, although the pull of them ease as I walk closer with God. My first steps toward freedom came with forgiveness. I've added your book to my book wish list. Thanks so much for writing. I'm hoping the memoir I'm writing will also help people to heal.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your visit this evening. And most of all, thank you for sharing your heart with us. It's never too late to begin the journey of healing--with God it's truly possible, whether it's physical or emotional abuse. I think you've said it so well: we must forgive those who have hurt us... not saying approve of it, but forgive them so we can move forward. I praise you for wanting to help others by writing a memoir. Blessings.
DeleteThanks so much for commenting, I'm so sorry for all you've been through, but so thankful you've found healing. I wish you all the best with your memoir.
DeleteMany blessings,
Wanda
Alot of women have the same thoughts, that something this dreadful would never happen to them, but it can. Every person in situations like these need help and understanding. Thank you for writing your books. I'm sure it helped you, but at the same time if they can help one person then you've accomplished alot.
ReplyDeleteElaine, thank for taking the time to post this on your blog. I know it will help someone.
Blessings
Katrina
Katrina, you're most welcome. And I thank you for your encouragement.
DeleteAlways good to see you.
Katrina,
DeleteThanks for commenting.Yes, it can happen to anyone and we all need the comfort of knowing that we're not alone.
All the best,
Wanda S.
I'm glad you were able to leave safely. I've known people in this situation and it's hard to walk away. God bless you. I pray that your books will educate people on this subject. (Elaine has my contact info, if I should win either book.)
ReplyDeleteLaura, thanks for visiting with Wanda and me tonight. You're so right--a rough environment is difficult to leave, especially when it's your home (and often, one's only home) but how it's so necessary.
DeleteThanks for helping to promote Wanda's segment.
Thank you, Laura, and it was only through the grace of God.
ReplyDeleteMany blessings,
Wanda S.
I'm grateful for the honesty in this post. There isn't a strong divide between our private and public selves - what we do when alone or with a close family member really does transform our outer world-self. Thanks for telling your story!
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks for visiting again, Anthony. Hope the writing is going well.
DeleteAnthony,
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for your kind comments. Yes, it really does transform us.
Although the story was painful to tell, hopefully, others will relate and know that they're not alone.
Blessings,
Wanda
I'm so glad you were able to escape, Wanda. Thank you for sharing your story. It may give courage to those in the trenches or healing to those trying to mend. You mentioned that your ex-husband stated that he would kill himself if you tried to leave. That seems to be a tactic that abusers use, and the one who is being abused, incredibly, still has sympathy. We should tell ourselves instead, "better that he kills himself, than me," and run away as fast as we can. God is wonderful. He carried you through the storm. God bless your writing and your books which will surely help others to heal.
ReplyDeleteDeb, thanks for visiting. I appreciate the encouragement you're offering...as Wanda says--no one deserves abuse.
DeleteDeb,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your encouraging comment. I never thought of him using an abusive tactic, to keep me around, but it worked, if only for a while.
God certainly is awesome and He helped me with every step and sent others to walk with me throughout the journey.
God Bless You,
Wanda
Thank you for being sharing your heart. It takes a lot of courage to leave an abusive relationship.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Patrica. You're right, but it was so worth the trouble.
ReplyDeleteBlessings,
Wanda S.
Thanks for visiting, Pat. I pray that Wanda will be a shining model to others on what to do in a situation that cannot be blesses by God.
DeleteWhat a beautiful week it's been here on Everyone's Story. Know why? It's because of the lovely author Wanda S. Maxey who has turned her life around through the grace of God and is now dedicated in helping others escape the claws of domestic violence. Wanda, heartfelt thanks and appreciation for taking the time to make a guest appearance this past week. May your efforts to enjoy life and to help others enjoy their lives be blessed.
ReplyDeleteThanks too, Wanda, for the lovely and helpful Giveaway. The two winners are:
Laura
Deb
Congratulations you two! Wanda & I will contact you in private emails on getting the books to you.
Blessings to all.
Thank you, Elaine, for allowing me to post on your awesome blog. You've worked so hard to promote and it's been an amazing week.
ReplyDeleteAll God's best to you,
Wanda S.
Congratulations to the winners, Laura and Deb.