Friday, October 4, 2013

Wanda S.Maxey: Correcting A Once Dream Turned Terror

Everyone's Story is pleased to host Wanda S. Maxey this week. I became intrigued by Wanda's Tweets on how a once ideal lifestyle seeped into a living nightmare. When I contacted Wanda I learned of her heart to help others in domestic abuse situations, and especially through her writing. I was delighted when she accepted my invitation to guest appear here. It's not every day when a woman is willing to candidly share these kind of troubles and I applaud Wanda for not only getting out of this relationship but for now wanting to help others. Please, pay close attention to Wanda's last chilling, but spot-on words! And check out the special Giveaway offer below. Wanda is looking forward to seeing your comments... feel free to sign in "Anonymously" if you want to chat but need to protect your identity.

Book Giveaway:Two randomly chosen commenters will receive either Wanda's book of LOVE AND ABUSE ON 40 ACRES or DADDY NEVER CALLED ME PRINCESS. These books are either perfect for one's self or for a beloved friend or family member who may appreciate the encouragement. The winners will be announced here on Friday, October 11th, between 5-6 PM EST. For convenience, please leave your contact information within your comment. Thanks!


“Let my Mom go or I'll put a bullet right between your eyes.”

My son, Trevor, warned Lanny, my abusive husband of six months. Lanny released his grip on me. I stumbled close to my son. Headed toward safety.

“Get help, then I'll come back,” I sobbed over my shoulder. I walked away from a marriage that was supposed to be a widow's answer to lost love.
Lanny said he couldn't control his actions. He chose to respond the way he did. He knew exactly what he was doing. He tortured me to gain power and control. A person needs to take responsibility for his abusive behavior.

I remember the day he kept ranting and raving, screaming insults.

“I wish I'd never married you.” He said. “Why don't you go join your dead husband? You're nothing but a wh...”

I called the police on him.

As soon as the squad car pulled in the drive, he instantly turned into a gentleman and opened the door.

“Hello sir,” he said with a smile. “How can I help you?”

Thankfully the police saw through his deception and stood guard while I packed a bag. The officers escorted me out the drive.

Lanny apologized after he'd hurt me, then he'd turn around and do the same thing again, and again. Sweet talk means nothing. Words must be backed up with actions—not only for the moment, to get what they want, but continuously.

He had charmed and showered me with adoration, before marriage. He said he loved me. I believed him. I'd heard others talk about men who “hooked” a woman by way of charm and words of love. No, I thought, not me.

“Can people change?” I asked my pastor.

“Yes,” he said, “God can change anyone, all the same, the person has to want to change. I've talked to your husband and he doesn't admit anything is wrong. He finds no reason to change.”

I remember the day my husband walked out to the kitchen, poured himself a glass of water, leaned cockily back against the sink and said, “I'm living the life around here. I don't do anything, I don't buy anything. I don't pay any bills, I can do whatever I want, whenever I want.” He sipped at the glass, “I've got it made.”

Of course he didn't want to change.

The first thing a person must do is realize they suffer from a problem. He never owned up to a problem. No matter what happened, it was never his fault.

Nothing is all bad. We also shared good times. I didn't think I'd be able to survive without him in my life. Leaving was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Despite that, coming out on the other side, now free of heartache, was worth the price. Peace reigns in my home. I'm free to invite friends and family over without worry of the repercussions that would come after they left. I'm no longer hurt by his addiction to pornography. I no longer deal with low self-esteem. God loves me, and He's the only one I need to please. My children and grandchildren are safe.

Can abusers change? The U.S. Justice Department on Domestic Violence reports that a woman is abused every 8 seconds. Real commitment to change can take years of therapy. How many years of your life are you willing to give up, waiting for him to straighten out his? Life is too short to not enjoy every day.

He may threaten, like my husband did, to kill himself if you leave. I left and he's still alive. If you are in an abusive situation, seek help.

You possess the power. The National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) is only a phone call away. You're not alone. Move past the fear and get on with your life.

Sure, it's scary to contemplate leaving. You fear what you'll face on your own. However, the problems you face at home with an abuser might be far worse.

There may be a slight possibility an abuser may change, then again, is it likely? Probably not!

Carolyn Rebecca Block, Ph.D., with the Illinois Criminal Justice Information Authority, said, “When a woman is being physically abused, both partners are at risk for homicide.”

Wanda's Ah-hahs To Tweet:

Meet Wanda S. Maxey, author who shares insights to domestic abuse and help. (Tweet This)

Wanda S. Maxey offers comforting words of hope to domestic abuse victims. #BookGiveaway (Tweet This)

Wanda S. Maxey: No one has to go through abuse alone! (Tweet This)

Author Bio:
I am a Christian, a Writer, and an Author who lives in Michigan.

My passion is trying to help others who have been through abuse; no one has to go through it alone.

I was widowed in 2005 after 32 years of marriage to a wonderful man. Two years later, being lonely and desperate, I found a new love on the Internet. After a whirlwind courtship we were married. I soon discovered I had married a sociopath. My books were written in the hopes of helping others learn about the signs to look for, so as to not be “Hooked,” by one of these predators.

“Love and Abuse On 40 Acres,” a true story of hope as the secluded dream retreat with one husband became a widow's isolated place of terror with the next.

“Daddy Never Called Me Princess.” a true story of how five children struggled to find adulthood as they wrestled to escape the control of an abusive man. They called him Daddy.

Connect with Wanda at:
Facebook author page
Google+: Wanda Maxey


  1. I am glad you healed from your abuse. I too grew up in an abusive home and found healing - it took almost 40 years before I realized that God was the way to healing. I tried so many self-destructive paths. My father sexually molested me, threatened to kill us. My mom knew about the abuse and kept notes - filled up two notebooks. She said it was in case she died so I could get out of the house, but I'm not so sure now. I've learned from my sister-in-law that she let the abuse go on to keep my father coming home from his other love affairs. I still struggle with some words spoken over me as a child, although the pull of them ease as I walk closer with God. My first steps toward freedom came with forgiveness. I've added your book to my book wish list. Thanks so much for writing. I'm hoping the memoir I'm writing will also help people to heal.

    1. Thank you so much for your visit this evening. And most of all, thank you for sharing your heart with us. It's never too late to begin the journey of healing--with God it's truly possible, whether it's physical or emotional abuse. I think you've said it so well: we must forgive those who have hurt us... not saying approve of it, but forgive them so we can move forward. I praise you for wanting to help others by writing a memoir. Blessings.

    2. Thanks so much for commenting, I'm so sorry for all you've been through, but so thankful you've found healing. I wish you all the best with your memoir.

      Many blessings,

  2. Alot of women have the same thoughts, that something this dreadful would never happen to them, but it can. Every person in situations like these need help and understanding. Thank you for writing your books. I'm sure it helped you, but at the same time if they can help one person then you've accomplished alot.
    Elaine, thank for taking the time to post this on your blog. I know it will help someone.

    1. Katrina, you're most welcome. And I thank you for your encouragement.

      Always good to see you.

    2. Katrina,
      Thanks for commenting.Yes, it can happen to anyone and we all need the comfort of knowing that we're not alone.
      All the best,
      Wanda S.

  3. I'm glad you were able to leave safely. I've known people in this situation and it's hard to walk away. God bless you. I pray that your books will educate people on this subject. (Elaine has my contact info, if I should win either book.)

    1. Laura, thanks for visiting with Wanda and me tonight. You're so right--a rough environment is difficult to leave, especially when it's your home (and often, one's only home) but how it's so necessary.

      Thanks for helping to promote Wanda's segment.

  4. Thank you, Laura, and it was only through the grace of God.

    Many blessings,
    Wanda S.

  5. I'm grateful for the honesty in this post. There isn't a strong divide between our private and public selves - what we do when alone or with a close family member really does transform our outer world-self. Thanks for telling your story!

    1. And thanks for visiting again, Anthony. Hope the writing is going well.

  6. Anthony,
    Thanks so much for your kind comments. Yes, it really does transform us.
    Although the story was painful to tell, hopefully, others will relate and know that they're not alone.

  7. I'm so glad you were able to escape, Wanda. Thank you for sharing your story. It may give courage to those in the trenches or healing to those trying to mend. You mentioned that your ex-husband stated that he would kill himself if you tried to leave. That seems to be a tactic that abusers use, and the one who is being abused, incredibly, still has sympathy. We should tell ourselves instead, "better that he kills himself, than me," and run away as fast as we can. God is wonderful. He carried you through the storm. God bless your writing and your books which will surely help others to heal.

    1. Deb, thanks for visiting. I appreciate the encouragement you're Wanda says--no one deserves abuse.

  8. Deb,
    Thank you so much for your encouraging comment. I never thought of him using an abusive tactic, to keep me around, but it worked, if only for a while.
    God certainly is awesome and He helped me with every step and sent others to walk with me throughout the journey.
    God Bless You,

  9. Thank you for being sharing your heart. It takes a lot of courage to leave an abusive relationship.

  10. Thank you, Patrica. You're right, but it was so worth the trouble.
    Wanda S.

    1. Thanks for visiting, Pat. I pray that Wanda will be a shining model to others on what to do in a situation that cannot be blesses by God.

  11. What a beautiful week it's been here on Everyone's Story. Know why? It's because of the lovely author Wanda S. Maxey who has turned her life around through the grace of God and is now dedicated in helping others escape the claws of domestic violence. Wanda, heartfelt thanks and appreciation for taking the time to make a guest appearance this past week. May your efforts to enjoy life and to help others enjoy their lives be blessed.

    Thanks too, Wanda, for the lovely and helpful Giveaway. The two winners are:


    Congratulations you two! Wanda & I will contact you in private emails on getting the books to you.

    Blessings to all.

  12. Thank you, Elaine, for allowing me to post on your awesome blog. You've worked so hard to promote and it's been an amazing week.

    All God's best to you,
    Wanda S.

    Congratulations to the winners, Laura and Deb.


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