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Diary of a
Wimpy Grandma by Karla Akins
Hello.
My name is Karla and I’m a wimpy grandma.
I
own it. In fact, that’s what I told my personal trainer (PT) the other day.
Which
is the very reason why I have a PT in the first place.
You
see, not only am I a wimp but when it comes to exercise, I’m lazy.
As
comedian John Pinette put it when asked by his trainer to do a sit up: “I don’t
do ups. I do downs. Sit down, lay down, chow down, slow down. Give me a
cheeseburger I’ll wolf it down. But I don’t do ups. Ups defy gravity. Gravity
is a law. I obey the law.”
Like
John, my favorite activities are sedentary: reading, writing, eating, rinse,
repeat. I blame it on the fact that I was never encouraged to play sports as a
kid. Title IX didn’t actually hit our public schools in Kansas until I was a
freshman in high school. By that time I was beyond hope. I was that kid in gym
class who tossed up my cookies after one lap around the track, who never made a
basket, and couldn’t hit the volleyball over the net.
I’ve
never had much confidence in my physical abilities. I’m clumsy, uncoordinated,
and have no depth perception (which makes riding a motorcycle a real trip). I
suppose that’s why swimming is the only “sport” I enjoy. I don’t have to worry
about causing harm to myself or others. Also, when you’re fat, you float really
well.
However,
I’m not getting any younger, and I want to live the last years of my life
strong. So, when a gym opened up in our town (pop. 6000), I thought, why not?
Let’s join. And not just join, let’s sign up for some personal training
sessions.
Having
an imagination is great for writing but doesn’t always serve one well in real
life. What on God’s green earth (where there exists DQ Blizzards and Chocolate
Cake) was I thinking?
.
After
my first session with my trainer, one thing is patently obvious.
I’m
going to die.
And
since I’m going to die eventually anyway, why speed up the process by
exercising until my legs feel like gummy worms and my arms like last month’s
limp celery?
Seriously,
though, I signed up with a once-a-week trainer because I simply can’t motivate
myself to exercise. I need a drill sergeant. I’m not intrinsically motivated to
do anything that has to do with moving faster than 1 MPH and sweating.
Still,
I think maybe I did a good thing in joining a gym and signing up for training.
I tried to get out of my second session by texting my trainer and telling him I
wasn’t coming. I have fibromyalgia, and I was aching and hurting and depressed.
But PT’s too good at his job. Guess who was suited up and at the gym ten
minutes later?
This
wimpy grandma.
PT’s
got me doing things I never imagined I could do. Activities I was convinced my
body didn’t know how to do and would never learn. I thought my knees were too
shot to do stepping-up exercises. I didn’t think I could walk faster than 3.5
MPH on a treadmill without hanging on. I was sure I’d end up flying across the
gym in a hilarious YouTube video, but no. My body is much more capable than
even my imagination could fathom.
Maybe,
just maybe, this gym thing wasn’t a hair-brained idea after all. Maybe I’ll
actually get stronger and in the process gain more confidence in my ability to
take better care of myself, make better eating choices, and not fear pain.
There is no growth without discomfort. I need to
embrace that fact. My biggest
obstacle at this point is my attitude and my ability to stay motivated.
What
about you? Are you addicted to working out like a lot of people I meet at the
gym? Or are you more like me and hate to sweat? I’d love to read your thoughts
in the comments below!
“Like an athlete I punish my body, treating it roughly,
training it to do what it should, not what it wants to. Otherwise I fear that
after enlisting others for the race, I myself might be declared unfit and
ordered to stand aside.”
1 Corinthian 9:27 (Living Bible)
Check out Karla first and very popular appearance on Everyone's Story titled Be Inspired By Autumn.
Karla's Ah-hahs To Tweet:
Author Karla Akins @KarlaAkins on Everyone’s Story: Diary of a wimpy grandma (Tweet This)
Author Karla Akins @KarlaAkins: What’s the connection between fitness and writing? (Tweet This)
Like #BookGiveways? Check out @KarlaAkin’s varied offer on Everyone’s Story (Tweet This)
Author Karla Akins @KarlaAkins on Everyone’s Story: Diary of a wimpy grandma (Tweet This)
Author Karla Akins @KarlaAkins: What’s the connection between fitness and writing? (Tweet This)
Like #BookGiveways? Check out @KarlaAkin’s varied offer on Everyone’s Story (Tweet This)
Author's Bio:
Karla Akins’s first novel, The
Pastor’s Wife Wears Biker Boots was published in
August, 2013. She also writes interactive, biographical narratives, and content
for iPad applications with an on-going contract for her World Explorers
Every Child Should Know series. Jacques Cartier, hit #1 on
Amazon in its category. Her hobbies are book-hoarding, riding her motorcycle
and looking for treasure. She is represented by Linda S. Glaz of Hartline Literary
Agency.
Places to connect with Karla:
